Without a Traceroute

All times Ljubljana local: GMT+1, 6 hours ahead of EST

1:39 AM – I’m at an election party hosted by an American ex-pat. There’s a Frenchman, a Ukrainian, a couple Slovenian and one other American girl.

1:43 AM – We’re watching the Daily Show on one guy’s laptop. Wolf Blitzer is stalling for time on CNN. They’ve called KY for McCain and Indiana still looks close.

1:44 – Wolf Blitzer is trying to talk to some woman in Chicago, but you can’t hear a word she’s saying because the crowd is yelling so loud.

1:45 – Oh my gosh, did anyone see CNN’s “hologram”?!?!? Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!

1:47 – Oh, lame, it’s not a real hologram. They just have a ring of cameras surrounding her and it’s composited in as a visual effect. Weak.

1:49 – So CNN has their entire team deployed and Blitzer’s beard looks he spent hours on it. In contrast, BBC has one sickly looking pale British guy in a realy ugly suit. CNN has holograms and flying maps. BBC has a bluescreen the guy doesn’t know how to use.

1:51 – NYtimes.com has a really nice detailed overview of the results coming in.

1:53 – Surprise, surprise, Obama wins Vermont. We’re watching Monday’s Colbert Report now. He’s much more entertaining than CNN.

1:55 – McCain is ahead in Virgina 56% to 42% with 9% reporting, but looking at the nytimes map, it’s mostly counties in the south and western part of the state. Obama’s voters are going to mainly in Northern, or “Fake” Virginia.

1:56 – It looks like CNN has called South Carolina for McCain as well. So far, no surprises.

1:59 – CNN just called MA, IL, CT, NJ, DE, MD, DC, for Obama and OK and TN for McCain, and Maine is splitting its EVs with 3 of the 4 going to Obama.

2:03 – Indiana’s looking pretty good. With 25% reporting, Obama is only down 2%, and it looks like nothing from Lake County (the Chicago-adjascent part of Indiana) is reporting yet.

2:05 – Huffington Post has one of the goofiest headlines ever  (horrible formatting original)”

OBAMA WINS PENNSYLVANIA… MA, IL, CT, NJ, ME, DC, DE, MA… MCCAIN WINS OK, TN… FOX, CBS: MCCAIN WINS WEST VIRGINIA… MSNBC, CNN: MCCAIN WINS SOUTH CAROLINA… CNN: OBAMA WINS VERMONT… MCCAIN WINS KENTUCKY…
EXIT POLLS 2008… READ WITH CAUTION… OBAMA MAY BE HEADED FOR BIG WIN…“

2:06 – Looks like the Dems picked up a Senate seat in Virginia with Warner.

2:08 – CNN’s guy agrees about Indiana. Obama is outperforming Kerry even in rural areas in Indiana, and lots of Obama-leaning territory hasn’t reported yet.

2:11 – A friend of mine just IM’d me that ABC is calling PA and NH for Obama! PA would be huge! The McCain campaign basically pinned their whole hopes there.

2:19 – BBC and SkyNews are still both really phoning it in.

2:20 – David Axelrod is talking on CNN. That dude looks super super exhausted. His comb-over looks even worse than usual.

2:22 – Blitzer asks about superstitions, Axelrod says his big one is “don’t claim victory early”. He also stumbles through a talking point about voters wanting change. I’ll bet the A-rod could repeat that phrase without any higher cortical function.

2:30 – CNN is explaining that people in New Hampshire who went to college went heavily for Obama. I wonder if that has anything to do with Sarah Palin’s blatant anti-intellectualism.

2:33 – It looks like Liz Dole is in big trouble in North Carolina. Hagen is up with 57% right now.

2:35 – Trying to get Skype working so I can call some folks back home.

2:38 – CNN is now finally calling PA for Obama. *knock on wood* But this is probably the election right here. The crowd in Grant Park is going nuts.

2:42 – Haha, CNN is so mean. They just went over to the McCain headquarters and asked “What does it feel like there to lose PA?” The people in background are cheering a bit. Was something else just called for McCain?

2:43 – CNN International is giving us a “Middleast Marketplace Update”, apparently the Saudi stock exchange is up?

2:52 – Nice! CNN just called Kay Hagen winner against Dole in North Carolina. I wonder how predictive that is for the presidential race?

2:56 – So far, Obama’s performing about as well as he was polling. Doesn’t look like a “Bradley effect” is evident.

2:58 – Alabama is going for McCain. A whole bunch more states are closing in a minute.

2:59 – “C’mon now Wolf, 20 more seconds of bullshit, c’mon, c’mon, you can do it!” – My host.

3:01 – Soledad O’Brien, the avatar of humanity’s gorgeous multiracial future; and some old overweight bald white guy are pointing out that people who said “race was a factor” went for Obama, and people who said “race was not a factor” ALSO went for Obama. The old guy can’t work the touchscreen.

3:03 – Nice, we get Tom Udal the Senator for New Mexico, and also Shaheen beats Sinunu (sp?), so two more Senate seats from the Dems.

3:09 – My mom is awesome! The election judges were jerking people around trying to vote. She pulled out her voter-registration card on them, and then also called the IL attorney general’s office hotline on them!

3:11 – Darn, they’re calling Georgia for McCain. That was always kind of a long shot, but a lot of Obama volunteers had their hearts set on GA.

3:19 – Mitch McConnel holds onto his Senate seat. Close race, though.

3;20 – Somebody tells me FOX is calling Ohio for Obama…if true, that’s another big nail in the coffin for McCain.

3:23 – West Virginia goes for McCain. I wonder if the late-breaking “Obama hates coal” story cost him a lot of support there?

3:29 – Obama is up pretty big in North Carolina, that would be huge.  NC is a southern, southern state. That would also take some of the sting out of losing Georgia.

3:33 – BBC has an actual roundtable now. They also have John “70s Porn ‘stache” Bolton! I thought he hated foreign nations??? What’s he doing talking to those dirty Limeys?

3:34 – CNN just called Ohio! BBC too!!

3:39 – CNN is too cautious, but honestly this election is over.

3:43 – This is so over, with what’s been called for Obama already, plus Iowa, California, Oregon and Washington puts Obama at 273.

3:46 – CNN is desperately trying to get people in the west to keep voting and keep watching CNN.

3:47 – Obama just got New Mexico! Louisiana goes for McCain, not much surprise there.

3:48 – CNN’s map is showing 199 electoral votes called for Obama. But the popular vote is within 320,000 votes right now.

3:49 – I called some friends who are just getting into Grant Park. They’re going through security now.

3:56 – Anderson Cooper has PERFECT hair. I wonder if we hadn’t seen him until now because he was in hair and makeup.

3:59 – Iowa goes for Obama. All that freezing door-knocking last January was worth something.

4:03 – CNN’s token black guy says that Obama will be like Reagan (he’ll be a terrible president but everyone will love him anyway?).

4:04 – Paul Begala’s mic doesn’t work right, but he’s saying that centrist democrats are the ones winning.

4:06 – BBC is at some fancy liberal elitist party in Times Square. Erica Jong seems really drunk, she says “HuffPuff” *vomit*. She says her brainwashed young kids kept telling her about Obama while she kept stubbornly blogging for Hillary.

4:08 – Back to CNN, James Carville looks like a freaky alien. He keeps fooling with his earpiece which makes him seem even stranger.

4:10 – Paul Begala is lecturing the Republican lady about how to act when you lose an election. Haha, Begala is such an expert at losing.

4:11 – CNN just called Arkansas for McCain. Somewhere, Hillary Clinton is screaming at her television, “I would’ve carried Arkansas!!!”

4:12 – I can’t believe they still haven’t called Indiana. Fareed Zakaria is talking on a commercial for Newsweek. Zakaria for Secretary of State! The weird-named guys need to stick together.

4:14 – CNN is Times Square for some reason. Apparently there’s a big party there, too.

4:16 – Back on BCC, John Bolton is talking all about how this election isn’t a landslide, and doesn’t really matter much anyway. It “won’t be an epochal election”. Blah, blah, whatever, Mustache Man.

4:17 – A British guy with a TERRIBLE tie is in Virginia, he says that “Virginia is SQUEEKILY tight”. He  goes to one woman, “So you didn’t decide until the last few days,” she says, “I didn’t decide until the last few days,”

4:20 – British terrible-tie guy hears chants of “Obama! Obama!” and says “they’re getting peevish for Obama”?

4:21 – CNN says they emailed some McCain advisors and they’re like “Oh noes! We lost!!1!!1  “

4:23 – Mississippi is going to McCain, I’m surprised they even waited this long (47% reporting) to make that call.

4:36 – Oh my gosh, CNN has some stupid floating “balance of power” special effect. “You could use a blackboard, but let’s use a hologram,” comments the Slovenian.

4:38 – CNN is trying to keep people interested in Senate races because the Presidential race is basically decided. Also, they’re talking about what a terrible Democrat Joe Lieberman is.

4:40 – I talked to my friends who are in Grant Park. It sounds amazing. Right now they’re just watching CNN, but there are ~70,000 super hyped-up people in the ticketed-area, plus thousands more outside. Any time anyone on CNN says anything like, “Obama’s doing pretty well,” everyone goes crazy.

4:45 – ZOMG!!!!!! CNN just “beamed in” Will I Am with their stupid fake hologram thing. It’s all laggy like a crappy webcam too. What a terrible effect. It even has a dumb little flickering that they absolutely must’ve added intentionally to make it look more like Star Wars.

4:49 – Overheard: “Slovenian slovenian slovenian Palin slovenian slovenian fuckable slovenian slovenian slovenian”

4:52 – Because I don’t have to worry about the fallout like CNN, I’m going to go ahead and call Indiana for Obama. Headline “Obscure Slovenian blog calls Indiana, election”

4:55 – Five minutes until this is official. The west coast will put Obama over the top.

4:57 – All of CNN’s commentators are giving glowing verbal eulogies for McCain’s political career.

4:58 – VIRGINIA!!!!! First time since 1964, Old Dominion goes for a Democrat!

5:00 BARACK OBAMA ELECTED 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE USA!

5:04 – CNN thoughts, “Obama will be sworn in on Jan 20, 2009. 2009 will mark the 100th anniversary of the NAACP.” Holy hell, all of CNN’s commentators are tearing up. We’re breaking out the champagne here in Slovenia.

5:10 – My election-watching compatriots demand to know what Joe the Plumber thinks of this.

5:15 – The crowd in Grant Park is going absolutely ape. I’m super jealous of my friends who are there.

5:17 – Jesse Jackson is weeping like crazy. He wasn’t exactly a big Obama fan, either.

5:18 – Oooh, McCain’s gonna concede

5:19 – McCain’s bitter supporters are booing Obama’s name while McCain’s trying to be gracious. Wow, McCain is doing well.

5:20 – Where the heck was this John McCain during the race? Now his crowd is being gracious too.

5:21 – I can’t believe it, I almost feel bad for this version of John McCain. “Whatever our differences, we are all Americans.” His supporters are half-booing and half-clapping, some of them are yelling something but I can’t tell what.

5:24 – McCain’s praising Palin now. She looks upset.

5:27 – Again, good spech from McCain. “I wish godspeed to the man who was my opponent and who will be my President…” Also, was his walk-off music the Lord of the Rings themesong? Wha…?

5:30 – *President-elect* Barack Obama’s about to speak! CNN says more than 240 countries are watching right now.

5:34 – CNN just said that Bush called “President-elect Obama”, that’s the first time I heard them drop the “prez-elect”

5:40 – Ha! Obama got Florida, too. That one’s for Al Gore!

5:42 – Just got an email from Obama:

Brendan –

I’m about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.

We just made history.

And I don’t want you to forget how we did it.

You made history every single day during this campaign — every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it’s time for change.

I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I’ll be in touch soon about what comes next.

But I want to be very clear about one thing…

All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,

Barack

5:51 – CNN is showing a spontaneous party that’s happening outside the white house!

5:53 – Bernice King, MLK Jr’s daughter is trying to talk on CNN but the celebrating crowd makes it impossible to hear.

5:54 – Wow, they say Obama’s opening his transition office tomorrow.

5:55 – CNN says Obama’s going to “draw upon this internet,” haha, oh that silly internet.

5:56 – Obama’s walking out. I’m just going to watch this now.

6:16 AM – One hell of a speech. Lincoln, MLK, shoutout to people overseas, awesome. Oh, and the puppy!